I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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