Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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