You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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