never play flip cup with pint glasses
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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