If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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