Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
