He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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