Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
