i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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