Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize