I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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