the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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