True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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