____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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