Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
