When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
