Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
