This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
