...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?