As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just pee around me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.