Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.