I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.