If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
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He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms