....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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