I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
