rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
