I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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