I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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