I think I died a long time ago.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will be naked everywhere
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point