Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.

(1-440): View more from Ohio

Why? Who won?

(440): View more from Ohio

we don't know. we ran out of oranges.

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(440): I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges. (1-440): Why? Who won? (440): we don't know. we ran out of oranges. http://tfl.nu/wlmn

Replies (1) Good night (1714) Bad night (654)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?

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(952): What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there? http://tfl.nu/nak2

Replies (34) Good night (1346) Bad night (1992)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers

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(614): Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers http://tfl.nu/1ki8

Replies (29) Good night (908) Bad night (10350)
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(330): View more from Ohio

If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop

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(330): If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop http://tfl.nu/zan9

Replies (18) Good night (747) Bad night (2678)
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(954): View more from Florida

The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

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(954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61

Replies (21) Good night (4431) Bad night (1238)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers

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(615): i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers http://tfl.nu/7wrv

Replies (5) Good night (3185) Bad night (889)
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(805): View more from California

I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

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(805): I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard http://tfl.nu/np0a

Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (2027)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass

(240): View more from Maryland

He should have died. Natural selection.

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(301): Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass (240): He should have died. Natural selection. http://tfl.nu/8itz

Replies (13) Good night (2791) Bad night (923)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.

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(717): Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together. http://tfl.nu/4ceo

Replies (6) Good night (1537) Bad night (557)
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(516): View more from New York

My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.

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(516): My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit. http://tfl.nu/2g7d

Replies (9) Good night (1058) Bad night (1900)
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(760): View more from California

Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.

(818): View more from California

Because it is cat.

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(760): Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use. (818): Because it is cat. http://tfl.nu/tbfo

Replies (9) Good night (1719) Bad night (729)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.

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(717): I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples. http://tfl.nu/i9sk

Replies (7) Good night (785) Bad night (358)
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(212): View more from New York

At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for

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(212): At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for http://tfl.nu/la6h

Replies (6) Good night (662) Bad night (478)
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(714): View more from California

I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.

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(714): I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus. http://tfl.nu/l340

Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (147)
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(801): View more from Utah

Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.

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(801): Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie. http://tfl.nu/zza2

Replies (0) Good night (144) Bad night (416)

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