I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that