just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers