I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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