yea but for you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.