Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.