I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out