come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?