burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.