Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"