Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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