Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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