you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize