Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
