oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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