hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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