maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
