If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER