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i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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