It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR