i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF