our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
