I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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