I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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