Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
