It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
