Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize