There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
