I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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