yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
