We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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