We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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