you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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