dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.