So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are