morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."