i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize