The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize