when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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