I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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